Reading is a great habit and it brings you across different perspectives that the authors narrate either through their characters or through their own experiences.
One such interesting and inspiring book that I recently was reading is “The Mountain is YOU” by Brianna Wiest. In the book the main idea that the author brings across is that the only hurdle between you and your success is noone other than you. It is a very interesting read and if you are reading this article then I will highly recommend you to read the book too.
Here, I will share one of my favorite take aways from the book.
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The OPPAC model to self-sabotage
Self-sabotage, as interesting the word sounds, it is often misinterpreted. Self-sabotage is associated with laziness; however it occurs because the subconscious brain believes that it is protecting us, from a change which it considers to be a danger. Afterall, who would like to avoid a comfortable life and take risks. Our brain would do almost everything to keep us comfortable and safe even if it means that our growth is shunted and we are stuck in the same routine forever. Why? Because routine means certainty, certainty means predictability and predictability leads to control. As humans, we are psychologically build to feel comfortable when we are in control. Any small change to that control and all the hot wires and signals in the brain get fired all at once.
This constant tug-of-war where one part of us wants to grow, while the other wants us to remain in the known, comfortable zone is the reason why most people tend to lead a mediocre life instead of a successful and a life of abundance. So, how can someone switch to a life of abundance and success.
The answer is quite simple. The patterns that lead to self-sabotage needs to identified and address and that is where the OPPAC model helps
OPPAC Model
O – Over Thinking:
The first pattern that leads to self-sabotage is Over Thinking. You want to start a new venture or you want to take up a new job or you might want to grow in your personal relation; you know, you need to take this next step but then overthinking leads you down the rabbit hole of “What ifs?”. What if I can’t find the right investor for the venture? What if the product doesn’t make profit? What if I run out resources? What if the next job is no different? What if the next job is more demanding? And many more.
The decision that you were supposed to take yesterday for your growth gets delayed day after day.
P – Perfectionism:
Another pattern that holds anyone back from success is Perfectionism. Everyone waits for the right moment, right opportunity to start or create something. In my IT days, I came across a product that was being built for over three years but was never taken to market. The idea never validated. The customer wanted the product to be “perfect”. And after three years when it hit the market, the product tanked. All the money, resources, time and effort invested was lost.
When someone runs after perfectionism, they lose opportunities that could have been achieved by simply getting started with whatever they want to achieve. You want to write a book, don’t wait for the perfect characters or story – just start it. It will evolve as you write. You want to start a new business – start from your home don’t wait to find the perfect business setup. It only delays your growth and success.
P – Pride:
Not everyone is capable of doing everything. At some point in time everyone needs someone’s help yet asking for help is seen as a sign of weakness. This happens because the modern society in large has evolved around a sense of meritocracy. Often asking for help means, you are not capable and if you are accepting that you are not capable then you cannot be considered for a reward.
Secondly, as humans we have “ego” as one of our emotions. And we take a sense of pride that boosts the ego when we share our achievements, our rewards. But if we take help in getting those achievements or rewards then the ego takes back seat. Now we cannot showcase it to be our own. Pride is impacted. This essentially stops us from growing, from being successful because even in need, our pride stops us from taking help.
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A – Avoidance:
It’s not the right time.
Whenever you are about to make a decision, a conversation, a change – the first thought that pops up in your brain -“this is not the right time“. But then when is the right time? Does it come with some bells and whistles so we know that the “right time” has arrived and now we can have the conversation or make the pending decision?
The answer is No. I read a quote somewhere,
There is no wrong time to do the right thing.
Avoidance only delays your decision. It creates unnecessary fear that gets in the way of your success.
C – Constant Restarting
This is just opposite of avoidance. Constantly shifting from one project to next, one idea to next, one job to next, one relationship to next. It is not because there is an adventure in doing new things or things have become routine and mundane. It typically highlights fear of commitment or avoiding our own vulnerabilities.
When we keep constantly restarting new things, without putting enough focus, time and effort to finish what was already started nothing valuable is created. And if there is no value being added then there is no growth, no success.
What can you do?
The first step towards overcoming self-sabotage is to identify our patterns that lead to self-sabotage. For example: I personally see “perfectionism” as my self-sabotage pattern. I often delay writing a blog post/article because I want to share only the right, useful and valuable content with my readers. And for that I want the article to sound “perfect”; convey the “perfect” meaning and use the “perfect” words to do so. And it delays me from sharing my thoughts with my readers.
Step 2, is to write down the pattern and symptoms associated with it. This helps you to acknowledge the pattern and the behaviour it drives in you.
Lastly, define a trigger, a mechanism that will help you break the pattern as soon as you see it. For ex: if I am looking for the perfect word to describe a situation or a feeling; and I am stuck because I can’t describe it; I acknowledge this symptom and I take a break from whatever I am doing. Move around, go for a short walk or just listen some music and then come back.
To Conclude:
Self-Sabotage is very real. We often don’t realize but it is just ourselves who is stopping us from being successful. The self-sabotage emerges as a response to our own past experiences, actions and fears. It might take different forms like Pride, Overthinking and others but it is the way of our subconcious brain to protect us from pain, injuries or dangers. Sometimes, the brain also perceives change as danger and thus drives patterns or behaviours that lead to self sabotage.
Good thing, it is easy to overcome self-sabotage by identifying our patterns and behaviours and then taking the corrective actions.
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